It is an option. It is my decision. Do I go the 'easy way out', take the pharmacological route? Or do I keep pushing at my soft spots until I manage to heal them?
Viewpoint One: there is a biological component to my mood swings. This biological component is alterable with drugs. If I take the drugs, I will no longer be bombarded by little chemical packets of emotion, I will have an easier time managing my emotions, and I will have an easier time feeling at peace with myself and the world.
Viewpoint Two: I should be able to manage my emotions without altering my brain chemistry. Or at least without using drugs to alter my brain chemistry. I can exercise, have a better diet, and, most importantly, refuse to obsess, refuse to be unhappy, refuse to let my emotions take over. I should fight myself until I manage to be at peace. Or maybe I should by default be at peace with who I am, moods and all, and work on feeling more at ease with other people and the world.
Fuck. I don't want a diagnosis. I don't want to be part of that crowd. I just want to be happier.
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