The crush is preoccupying me, as crushes will. It's a strange mental process -- I feel myself constructing all kinds of notions around an empty container. It's not a crush on some-particular-guy, rather a crush on some-other-guy. It's a small piece of madness. I'm committed to my current guy, and I have no intention of pursuing anything else, but a small part of me maintains the illusion that I should care about crush-guy's status, crush-guy's opinion, etc.
Best thing to do, I think, is look for the things to be learned from this situation. I've made a lot of progress in security, self-worth, and self-orientation over the last year, but I feel I could throw all of that out the window in the face of this crush. As I did yesterday talking to the friend who's the friend-of-the-crush-guy. So while I've made progress in the context of my current relationship, I see that there's still work to be done in the context of relationships in general.
I'm sad, though, to return to wondering whether I'll ever have a successful long-term relationship.
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